Payback
by radioactivealchemist
Summary: Fai discovers a side effect of his vampire blood: he can enter - and manipulate - Kurogane's dreams. He decides to use this ability to screw with Kurogane as payback for saving his life... until things go awry and he begins to lose control. Kuro/Fai.
1. The First Dream

He staggered and fell against the wall, sliding down, hands across the large gash on his stomach. The wall was cold, smooth, and grey, and the only light came from the few places where the roof had caved in. It was quiet; he heard no footsteps, just saw Fai's feet appear in front of him as he stared at the ground.

He looked up at as Fai squatted down and reached for him, to pull one of Kurogane's hands away and bring it to his mouth to lick away the blood with a smile on his face.

"What are you doing?" Kurogane demanded of him, but Fai only smiled and let go of his hand.

"Let me see," he said, and pushed Kurogane's other hand away from the wound as he leaned down to look. Kurogane flinched as Fai touched the cut, ran his hand over it, then stared at Kurogane with a smile and licked the blood from his palm, smearing it over his face in the process.

"You taste good," Fai whispered as he licked the blood off his lips, then smiled more widely – more crazily. "Bleed for me," he urged as he extended his fingernails, razor-sharp, and plunged them into Kurogane's stomach. He twisted, then pulled them out as Kurogane doubled up in pain. Blood dripped down to the dusty floor.

Fai retracted his nails, then slid his fingers underneath Kurogane's chin, bringing his head up so that they were eye to eye.

"More," he said, his smile never faltering. "Give me more. I want _more_." He let go of Kurogane's chin and brought his hand back, fingers together, and extended his nails again. In one swift motion he plunged them into Kurogane's chest.

The agony was intense, almost unbearable, but somehow he bore it. He could feel and yet not feel it as Fai cut through his skin and muscle, cracking ribs as he cut out Kurogane's heart.

Kurogane watched as it was pulled from his chest, still beating, and Fai brought it to his mouth. It reminded of how Syaoran had eaten Fai's eye, a disturbingly clear but fleeting thought. As Fai opened his mouth to take a bite, everything went black.

Kurogane awoke in a cold sweat, heart pounding. His hands immediately flew to his chest, seeking – but there was no hole there, he was intact. Trembling, he sat up and wiped the sweat from his face with a hand. After a few minutes he got up, fumbling around in the dark, and made his way to the bathroom to splash his face with cold water.

He stared into the bottom of the sink basin for a long while, water dripping down off his hair and face as he tried to make sense of what had just happened. He'd been having strange dreams lately, disturbing dreams, but so far none of them had been quite like this. This one had been so realistic, so painful – his stomach and chest ached with a phantom pain where Fai's nails had pierced and cut him, though it was quickly receding. But more disturbing than that had been the Fai in the dream – his expression. That same unchanging fake smile, but somehow... different.

Eventually he reached for a towel and dried his face, then looked at himself in the mirror for a few moments, questioning his reflection, then went back to bed.

#

"Morning, Kurogane!" Fai chirped at him as he entered the small kitchen of the apartment where they were staying and sat down. When he didn't get a response, Fai gave him a closer look. "What's wrong? You look tired. Didn't you sleep well last night?"

"Not really," Kurogane admitted. "I... I had a bad dream, and then I couldn't get back to sleep."

"Oh? What about? You can tell me," Fai said, but then was interrupted as Syaoran and Sakura appeared for breakfast and he greeted them cheerfully.

"It's... nothing," Kurogane said with a shake of his head. With a knowing smile, Fai turned back to the stove.

#

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

"The dream you had last night, silly," Fai said with a smile. They were alone; Syaoran and Sakura had gone out to get more groceries for dinner, and collect information.

"It's really nothing..." Kurogane started, but Fai would have none of that.

"Come on, you can tell me. It's just a dream, after all."

"Just a dream..." he sighed. "I don't know what was more disturbing about it – that it felt so _real_, or what happened. It's not the first dream like this I've had lately, but..."

"What happened in it, then?" Fai asked.

Kurogane leaned back on the couch and looked at the ceiling as he ran his fingers through his hair. "It was about you. I was in some strange place – some ruined building or something – and I was wounded. I don't know how it happened; it was just there. Then you came, and..." he faltered, trailed off. Fai waited patiently for him to continue as he watched Kurogane's troubled expression. He took a deep breath. "You – you tore my heart out, and were going to eat it. And then I woke up."

"That's all?" Fai asked, sounding disappointed. "That's what you got all worked up and couldn't sleep over?"

"I _told_ you, it wasn't like a normal dream," Kurogane insisted, looking at him in disbelief. "When I had it, it was like it was completely real. I can remember everything perfectly. The pain was real. Everything was real – except then I woke up and it wasn't."

"Hmm," Fai said, and bit his lip as he thought. "I know! Maybe it's just because we've all been so stressed lately... since Tokyo. We haven't really had any time to rest, it's just been one world after another. Maybe that's why you've been having these weird dreams," Fai suggested with a smile, pleased at explanation.

"Maybe," Kurogane responded glumly, then started and stared in fearful fascination as Fai extended his nails in front of Kurogane's face. "What are you –"

Fai drew the point of one nail across the top of Kurogane's exposed collarbone, leaving a trail of red along his skin where the blood beaded up at the surface, and then he bent down to lick it up as he retracted his nails.

"Don't freak me out like that," Kurogane scolded him in a wavering voice.

Fai chuckled as he licked up the last drops of blood. "Payback, Kurogane. _Payback_."


	2. The Second Dream

It was something he'd discovered almost by accident, but he didn't let that stop him from taking full advantage of it. At first he'd just watched Kurogane's dreams, an invisible spectator. Then, slowly, he started to change things, to see how he could influence their direction and whether or not Kurogane would notice. He kept experimenting, to see what he could do, and at last he had felt confident enough to craft a dream for Kurogane from scratch – and put himself in it.

Payback for Kurogane saving his life, and stress relief for him. In dreams, he could do what he liked. He could inflict pain, he could kill, and Kurogane would still wake up in one piece so there was no need to feel guilty. He didn't want to hurt him, just... shake him up a bit, give him a scare he'd remember.

The first dream had been a success, Kurogane had clearly been disturbed by it, but now he had to be careful. Give him the dreams too close together and he might begin to suspect something was up. Space them too far apart and they wouldn't be as effective. He had to keep Kurogane on his toes.

Since leaving Tokyo they'd been hitting different worlds hard and fast, snatching Sakura's feathers as they went. A dream per world was a good rate; or about one or two a month, depending how long they stayed in each.

When it was ready, he gave Kurogane the next dream he'd made.

#

The first thing he realized was that he was blindfolded; the next was that he was chained, wrist and ankle, to something. From the coolness and the way it rubbed against his back he figured it must be stone, perhaps a wall. The shackles were solid; he tested them, pulled, but they had no give. He was barefoot and bare-chested, wearing only pants. There was grass beneath his feet. He could feel the sun beating down, and a slight breeze blew intermittently.

Hands touched his face and removed the blindfold; they were Fai's hands, and Fai's smile greeted him.

"Are you ready?" Fai asked.

"For what?" Kurogane asked in return, but then he noticed the quiver of arrows on Fai's back. Fai bent down to pick his bow up off the ground.

"Target practice, of course," Fai replied with a cheeky grin. ""After all, it's harder to aim right with only one eye. So I need to practice more, right?"

"I guess..." Kurogane was suddenly very aware of where he was: chained to a large boulder in the middle of an open, grassy field, with nothing else around. He turned his head to try and see if there was a bulls eye painted on the rock behind him; there wasn't, but that didn't mean anything. Fai was already several yards away. When he reached about 5 yards, he turned back to face Kurogane.

"I guess I should start close and then go for distance," he told Kurogane with a strange sort of cheerfulness. Kurogane watched with increasing fear as Fai drew an arrow from the quiver and strung his bow, then leveled it at him.

"Where should I aim for...? Kurogane's middle is much bigger than the center of a target," Fai said conversationally, though Kurogane wasn't sure if it was directed at him or if Fai was talking with himself. With a smile, he drew back the string and let fly.

It barely grazed Kurogane's left side, not even enough to draw blood, and fell to the grass after it hit the stone. Fai tsk'd at himself and drew another arrow. "Hm, needs to be a little more to the right..."

He nocked it and tried again. "And remember, stay still!" he admonished Kurogane as he let go.

Kurogane gritted his teeth and tensed; the arrow sank deep into his gut, just to the left of his navel. His hands clenched into fists; he wanted to double over, do something, but the shackles prevented all but the smallest of movements. He breathed hard as the blood seeped down and soaked into the fabric of his pants.

"Almost!" Fai called, and then moved back another two yards.

That was how it went, one arrow at a time in agonizing steps. Fai filled his stomach with arrows until it seemed there was no more room for more and his blood soaked the front of his pants and spilled down on to the grass. He was dizzy with pain; the shackles on his wrists were the only thing keeping him upright.

Then the arrows stopped. Kurogane hoped it was over – but that was too much to ask.

"Oh? You still there?" Fai asked as he came back to the stone and lifted Kurogane's chin up. Kurogane stared back at him, only half-conscious in the haze of pain. "I'm out of arrows now," Fai informed him.

"...please..." Kurogane whimpered, a plea for it to end.

"What should I do? Should I pull them all out and start over?" Fai asked mischievously, eliciting a much more lively response from Kurogane.

"No!" he said sharply, eyes wide.

"Hm," Fai said, and stepped back – then noticed the first arrow on the ground where it had fallen. "Oh? You're in luck! There's one arrow left." He held it up to show Kurogane, who wasn't sure if he should – or could – care at that point. "The point seems a little dull from hitting the rock... but I'll make sure it hits its target." He smiled again and reached up to touch Kurogane's chest – over his heart.

Kurogane waited what seemed like an eternity for Fai to reach a good distance, turn around, and nock the arrow. He awaited the shot with a mixture of anticipation and fear. Maybe it was the pain that clouded his perceptions, but he seemed almost to be able to follow the arrow as it took flight from Fai's bow and flew across the grass to bury itself in his heart.

The waking was not much different than the first time – confused, sweating, that phantom pain from the tens of arrows buried in his gut – but instead of shooting up out of bed he merely lay there with his arms crossed protectively over his stomach and stared at the ceiling while he tried to sort out what, exactly, had happened.

There had seemed nothing wrong with being chained to a rock and being used as target practice, just as there had been nothing wrong with lying wounded in an abandoned building without knowing what had happened previously, and he wondered if that meant he somehow knew it was a dream even if he hadn't really _known_ it. He resolved, he told himself as he got up to go to the bathroom for a drink and to splash his face, that the next time he would make sure to recognize that it was a dream.

Disturbing as it had been, this time he managed to get back to sleep afterward as he tried not to think too hard about it and told himself that he wouldn't have another dream like that before morning.

#

Fai watched Kurogane carefully the next morning, and waited, but Kurogane mentioned nothing about his dream – only gave him a few odd looks.

He waited two days, to dispel any suspicions Kurogane might have, and then nonchalantly asked Kurogane about it as they rested after dinner.

"By the way, have you had any more of those strange dreams since that one?"

"What? Oh... just one, a few nights ago," Kurogane answered.

"What was that one about?" Fai inquired curiously.

"It was... the same as the first one, mostly. You were using me for target practice."

"What do you mean?" Fai asked, pretending not to understand.

"I was the target," Kurogane answered, and Fai laughed.

"Silly," he said, and mussed Kurogane's hair as Kurogane leaned away irritably. "You know I'd never do something like that."

"I know that," Kurogane said, and finally grabbed his wrist to get him to stop. "You seem to make a better target anyway."

Fai got the hint, and looked away as Kurogane let go of his wrist. "Well, if you'd quit _saving_ me, I'd only have to–"

Kurogane stopped him with a hand over his mouth, fingers digging into his cheeks, and turned Fai's face towards him. "You know I really hate that attitude of yours," he said gruffly, and let his hand drop as he stood up.

Fai watched him go and thought about how he was going to kill Kurogane next.


	3. The Third Dream

His first thought was that this seemed... familiar. It was dark; he was chained up, shackles on his wrists and ankles. But he wasn't blindfolded – the room was dark – and there was nothing at his back. The shackles which held his wrists hung down from the ceiling, and those around his ankles were attached to the cold stone floor. He was wearing nothing but his fundoshi, and it was chilly – he got the feeling that the room was somewhere below ground. There was something he was supposed to remember, but what was it?

One by one torches flared to life on the walls, casting their dancing flames around the room. He didn't like what he saw; this was a dungeon, a torture chamber, and he was the main attraction.

But how had he–

That was it. _That_ was what he was supposed to remember, to ask how he'd gotten here. He didn't know... which mean that this must be a dream. Yes, the last thing he remembered was going to bed, and then he'd woken up like this except it hadn't felt like waking up – it had just happened.

The door opened with a jarring squeal and he turned his head to look who had arrived – Fai, of course, clad in tight black leather. Kurogane watched him without saying anything as he went over to a rack on the wall on the other side of the room and looked over the selection of rather cruel-looking implements before making his selection: a cat o' nine tails. Kurogane had to remind himself that this was only a dream as Fai turned to him and smiled – not his usual fake-happy smile, but something much more sinister.

He came over to Kurogane and began to walk around him slowly. "Where should I start?"

"What are you doing?" Kurogane demanded of him.

"What am I doing?" Fai repeated. "I'm _punishing_ you, of course," he said with another smile, and put the end of the cat's handle under Kurogane's chin.

"For what? I haven't done anything."

"I haven't done anything!" Fai mimicked back at him. "What do you call this, then?" he asked as he tapped his eye patch. That was what this was about; punishment for saving his life. Kurogane could play along with this dream-Fai.

"I wasn't just going to let you–"

He cried out as Fai lashed out with the cat o' nine against his chest, then gritted his teeth and promised himself he wouldn't get caught off-guard like that again.

"What about _my_ feelings?" Fai asked him icily, and brought the cat down on his chest again. This time, he didn't make a sound. "I didn't _ask_ you to save me. I didn't _want_ you to save me. Any of those times!" He brought it down again. "Why can't you just let me be?" Again.

"I just can't," Kurogane replied. "Besides, Sakura needs you. We _all_ need you."

Fai seemed caught off-guard by his answer, and paused before delivering a flurry of strikes to Kurogane's chest again. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists and reminded himself that as soon as this was over, the pain would be gone. He only had to endure it for a while.

When Fai stopped, he went on. If there was ever a time to unload his feelings, this was it; that it was a dream, that it was just a version of Fai he'd dreamed up, it didn't matter. "You're selfish. You never stop to consider what other people think. Where would we all be without you? Sakura especially. Even if you won't admit it, you care about her. If you didn't, you wouldn't have bothered to use your magic to get us out of that library place."

He paused to take a breath in his rant, and Fai hit him hard across the face with the cat o' nine. Kurogane yelped, then cursed – mostly at himself – as he licked his stinging lips.

"So what if I'm selfish – so are you! Stop and consider what _I_ think, why don't you. I'm not the same. I'm not traveling towards something – I'm going _away_ from it."

"'You can run, but you can't hide'," Kurogane quipped, earning him another lash – this time, across the front of his thigh.

"What do you know?" Fai demanded.

"I know that you need to man up and face whatever it is you're running from. I don't care what it is. I don't care how hard that might be. I don't care if you die doing it – but if you don't, then you'll never be able to move forward. You'll never have a future. And if you think that you can get away from it by dying, you're wrong. It will always haunt you, no matter what, _unless you turn around and take care of it yourself_."

As Kurogane spoke, Fai's expression turned from anger to fear, and he backed down, away from Kurogane. Kurogane figured he had won – until Fai let the cat o' nine tails drop to the floor and instead picked up a glowing iron brand from the small bellows Kurogane hadn't even noticed was there.

Fai didn't even look back up at him, just watched the end of the brand as he brought it back towards Kurogane, holding it at arm's length.

Kurogane tensed for it as Fai brought the end forwards on to his chest.

He woke up with a scream muffled by his pillow then, after a moment of lying there panting for a few minutes, punched himself lightly on the side of the head for making that noise. Dream or not, the brand had been some of the most sudden, intense pain he'd ever experienced, and he'd experienced a lot. It ached for a long while after he'd woken up, and he almost managed to convince himself he could smell charred flesh, but of course when he finally rolled over and looked down there was no mark, nothing there. He'd been right – it was a dream after all, no matter how real it had seemed.

#

Fai lay on his side in his bed in the darkness and tried to swallow the knot in his throat, but it only settled in the pit of his stomach instead. He hadn't expected Kurogane to turn the tables on him; this was supposed to be Kurogane's bad dream, not his own nightmare. Hurting Kurogane didn't seem to be having the effect he was hoping for... so what if he could get Kurogane to hurt or kill him instead? It might be difficult, but the results would be worth it.


	4. The Fourth Dream

Kurogane entered the arena, stepping out into the bright light and squinting as the crowd in the stands roared. The sun was hot, beating down on the sand and making him sweat under his armor. They roared again, this time as his masked opponent emerged from the opposite end of the arena and raised his spear aloft. Kurogane drew his sword and strode to the center of the ring, chin high. There was no way he was going to lose.

His opponent did the same, coming out to meet him in the center of the field. There was no referee to tell them when to start or stop – it began when they were ready, and ended when one of them went down. They stood there for a moment, sizing each other up, and then they began to move. Slowly at first, circling each other, making feints, testing the opponent's reactions and defense. The spear had the longer reach, but was flimsy and only the very point could hurt him, whereas his sword was all blade.

Kurogane grinned, taunted his opponent with words, but they remained silent – then attacked. He'd underestimated their speed, but quickly corrected himself. The armor bulked both of them down, and the full helmet his opponent wore would limit their sight. They thrust their spear at Kurogane several times, but he avoided them all, knocking the efforts away with his sword while trying to get in closer. Just when it seemed he had an opening, the point of the spear struck his exposed shoulder, but he didn't let the pain bother him. It slowed as it hit him, and he grabbed the shaft with his opposite hand and grinned – and as his opponent pulled, he hacked the shaft in half and threw the sharp end back at their feet in a gesture of contempt.

The crowd roared; they liked this. Seemingly unfazed, his opponent picked up the now-shortened spear and immediately went on the offense while Kurogane was still basking in the glory of the crowd. He reacted quickly, hacking at his opponent, cutting into their dominant arm. Blood ran, wet droplets in the sand. Kurogane taunted them, landing hit after hit with his blade on their arms and sides – nothing fatal, nothing deep, just enough to ache and draw blood and run them down slowly. They refused to give up, kept coming at him only to be beaten back.

After so much of this, Kurogane became bored of playing with his prey. The next cut was deep, settling into his opponent's shoulder, cutting through muscle and sinew. They dropped their weapon, staggered. The crowd roared in anticipation, and took up a chant which started small but grew into a swell.

"FINISH HIM!", they cried.

Kurogane was glad to oblige. He put up the point of his sword beneath their chin as they staggered backwards, fell. Kurogane stood over them, and with a grin of triumph, drove the point of his sword through their throat. The thunder of the crowd was deafening as he knelt down to unmask his conquest, to let them know the face and name of the loser.

It was Fai.

Kurogane froze as his breath caught and twisted in his chest and everything came crashing down around him into blackness. Fai's face – dead eye gazing at him, his mouth frozen in a smile – then nothing.

Kurogane woke in a cold sweat, heart hammering, gasping for the breath he'd held in. He rolled over on his side and propped himself up with one arm, wiping the sweat from his forehead with his free hand as he fought to put the memory out of his mind. It was impossible; it mocked him. Dream or no, he couldn't let it go on. He got up and walked quietly to the door of his room, opened it, looked out into the hallway. It was dark; no reason for anyone to be up at this hour. Kurogane told himself that it was only to check – just a quick peek in Fai's room to reassure himself that it had all been a dream, that he was still alive and breathing. He tiptoed down the hallway to Fai's door and eased it open slowly and carefully, listening all the while in case Fai decided to wake up and ask him what the _hell_ he was doing sneaking around his room while he slept. With all the ninja-stealth he could muster he slipped into Fai's room and crossed the floor to his bed, getting close enough and pausing only long enough to see Fai's chest rise and fall. Reassured, he turned to leave. Just as he reached the door, though –

"What are you doing?"

Like a guilty child caught with his hand in the cookie jar, he froze, then after a moment turned around.

"Nothing."

"Creeping around my room in the middle of the night is not _nothing_," Fai scolded him, sitting up in bed.

New tactic: tell the truth. "I... had one of those dreams again. I just wanted to make sure you were all right. I'll go now."

Fai smiled, shook his head, and patted the covers beside him. "No, sit down and tell me about it."

Kurogane hesitated, took half a step back towards the door, then faltered.

"Get your ass over here and _sit_," Fai commanded him, and he did as he was told. "Now talk," Fai said once he'd gotten comfortable.

"I was in some sort of fighting arena, with a crowd watching. You – well, I didn't know it was you until the very end because you were wearing a mask – were my opponent. We fought, and I killed you. Then I took off the mask and saw it was you, and woke up."

"So you came in here to check and see that you hadn't killed me after all? How considerate," Fai finished with a smile, and mussed Kurogane's hair; Kurogane let him, this time. "All right, you can go now. Get some sleep. I'll still be here in the morning – I promise," Fai told him, and with a nod Kurogane stood up and left.

Once he was gone, Fai lay back down in bed and smiled to himself. This was much more like what he'd had in mind – throw Kurogane off-kilter, make him think it was real, disturb him enough that he'd do something like this. The part of him which cared was the most vulnerable; strike at that, and Fai could shake him to the core, rip his world apart at the seams... if he could bring himself to do it.


	5. The Fifth Dream

The very first thing he noticed was the smell – blood and sex. Then Fai, laying face-down on the bed, bloody and bruised and naked with the sheets twisted around his legs. And finally, his own state of undress and Fai's blood on his hands. One single word surfaced in his mind: _rape_.

But something was very, very wrong here. He would never do something like this, not to Fai, not willingly. He couldn't remember doing it, either. That led to two possible conclusions: he'd been somehow set up – something he dismissed immediately, since the evidence pointed otherwise – or he'd been possessed. He latched on to this idea like a drowning man; it was the only logical conclusion he could make. Yes, he had been possessed by something, and this something had beaten and raped Fai. Not him.

Kurogane knelt down on the floor next to the bed. "Fai?" he asked quietly, but received no response. Almost afraid, he reached out and touched Fai's cheek, and said his name again. Fai stirred, a weak groan escaping his lips, and opened his good eye just a crack. Kurogane stroked his cheek. "It's okay. I'll..." he paused, and cast around the room without being sure what he was looking for, until his eyes settled on the half-open bathroom door. "I'll get you cleaned up. Don't worry," he assured Fai, though he needed the assurance for himself. "I'll be right back."

He got up and went into the bathroom, turned on the light, and went over to turn on the tap in the bathtub. His hands were shaking as he twisted the knobs and tested the water. Letting it fill up, he stood up and turned around – and saw himself in the mirror. He looked away immediately; there was no way he could face himself right now, naked and dirty. But Fai came first. He could clean himself up later.

Kurogane went back into the bedroom and back to Fai. He touched Fai's cheek again, eliciting a murmur, then stroked his shoulder, avoiding the blossoming ugly purplish bruise there. Carefully he untangled the sheets from around Fai's legs and rolled him over onto his back, wincing as he saw the full extent of the damage. But he didn't shy away, he couldn't leave Fai like this.

There was no way to pick him up without touching something, causing some pain somewhere, so Kurogane tried not to think about it as he scooped the slim blonde up in his arms and carried him into the bathroom, then lowered him slowly into the warm bath. He made sure Fai's head was resting securely on the edge of the tub so that he would not slip in and under, then let go of him to turn off the water and find a washcloth.

As Fai lay there silently, his eye half-open and staring numbly at the ceiling, Kurogane bathed him tenderly. No soap; he didn't want it to get into the cuts and make them sting. He went slowly, thoroughly, not missing a single inch of skin. When he was done with the front he coaxed Fai into leaning forward, supporting him with one arm while he cleaned his back with the other.

When he finished he drained the water from the tub and rinsed Fai off with the shower head, then gently dried him off with and wrapped him up in the largest, fluffiest towel he could find. Kurogane had noted while washing Fai that none of the cuts were deep – mostly just scratches – and they had already stopped bleeding, so he felt he could leave well enough alone for the moment. He lifted Fai up and took him back out into the bedroom, putting him down in the armchair by the window. Up until this point Fai had not moved, only lay there like a listless doll while Kurogane bent his limbs; but now he drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around him and stared at the wall while Kurogane pulled the dirty sheets off the bed, threw them into a corner, and replaced them with fresh ones.

When he was finished he approached Fai again, picked him up, and put him back into bed. In the dresser he found a clean pair of boxer shorts for Fai and helped him into them, then replaced the towel with a soft blanket and tucked him in.

There, Fai had been taken care of; Kurogane breathed a sigh of relief and went back into the bathroom to cleanse himself now. He would have liked a long bath, a good soak to wash this sin from his body, but he simply showered quickly and dried himself off.

Their clothes were on the floor of the bedroom; he picked up Fai's and tossed them in the pile with the sheets and the towel, and found his own shorts and put them back on. Fai seemed to have drifted off to sleep already, his eyes closed and his breathing slow and steady.

Should he stay or should he go? Kurogane was torn. If Fai had said something, anything about what had happened that would clue him in he might have known what was best, but he'd said nothing, hadn't even looked at Kurogane.

He decided to stay. Whatever had happened, or whatever Fai thought had happened, Kurogane couldn't leave him alone like this. Mind made up, he slipped under the covers, taking care not to disturb Fai and wrapped him up in his arms as if it could make everything right again, and somehow managed to drift back to uneasy sleep.

#

Whatever he had intended with that dream – and he still wasn't sure _what_ he'd been doing with it – it hadn't turned out at all like he'd expected. What he'd expected was for Kurogane to flip the fuck out about what he'd apparently done; what had happened was... well, the opposite. Fai took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he recalled Kurogane's gentle hands bathing him, tucking him into bed, then curling around him. The first and second – yes, those were things you would do to a hurt friend if you cared. But the last...

Fai tried not to think to hard about this, but it was impossible. Especially after the last dream; Kurogane had seemed so distraught at the idea of having killed him, and he'd come to Fai's room to check on him like a little lost puppy seeking its master. These were not the actions of friendship; they were actions of something more.

Was it possible that Kurogane _liked_ him?

He hated the thought of it – he didn't want to become involved with anybody, after all, even though it was almost too late now to keep saying that. He was doing this to push Kurogane away from him, break him – not bring him closer.

But dreams and reality were not the same, and he wanted to know the answer. Perhaps if he threw Kurogane a curve ball, a nice dream mixed in with the bad, just to see what he did with it... it couldn't hurt to try.

#

Kurogane woke confused and alone, in his own room and his own bed, with the sunlight streaming in through the curtains. Where was Fai? Was he all right? He tried to recall the details of last night, the room, the bathroom – and it dawned on him that this was the wrong place. It hadn't happened here; he didn't know where they had been.

It was all just another dream.


	6. The Sixth Dream

He was in a large room, a bedroom, because there was a bed and Fai was sitting on the edge of it. Kurogane thought it odd that Fai was wearing his big fluffy overcoat indoors, especially when it wasn't that cold inside. There was a big window and it was open to let the breeze in, the sheer curtains blowing gently in the sunlight, but it was a cool breeze, not cold.

"Why are you wearing your coat?" he asked Fai, because it was the most obvious thing he could do.

Fai winked. How he could manage to do that with only one good eye Kurogane didn't know, but he winked all the same. "Should I take it off? But I'm not wearing anything underneath~" Fai said with a seductive smile.

Kurogane wasn't sure he'd heard that quite right, but then Fai reached up and tugged and shrugged a little so that it slipped a little off one shoulder, and he saw nothing but bare skin underneath.

"Do you want me to take it off?" Fai asked him again, and showed a little more shoulder.

Kurogane thought about this. He thought _hard_. But he also tried to think fast in case Fai changed his mind about that offer. Fai might be joking – but this wasn't his usual kind of teasing. Fai would never act like this toward him; it was completely wrong.

Final conclusion: this had to be a dream.

If it was a dream, then was it a trap? The dreams weren't usually like this. Either Fai was hurting him, or he was (unintentionally) hurting Fai. Maybe Fai would knife him at the last minute; he didn't know.

Did he care if that happened? _Hell_ no. The rest would be worth it. Kurogane's mind was made up; he'd play along. After all, it was only a dream.

"Ye-yes," he answered, and Fai smiled and stood up. The coat stayed on; Kurogane was disappointed. He'd expected Fai to let it fall to the floor.

Fai came over to him and touched his face. "I will... but you have to take something off too." He let his finger wander down Kurogane's neck and to the top of his shirt, and started undoing the buttons.

Kurogane stood there and let Fai do what he wanted while he tried to make sense of what was going on; but all he got was that if it was a dream it didn't _have_ to make sense and he should stop thinking about it.

When Fai reached the last button on Kurogane's shirt, he didn't stop there. Belt buckle, snap, zipper. Then back up with a smile to push his shirt off his shoulders and tug it down and let it fall to the floor as he slipped his fingers under the waistband of Kurogane's pants and brought them down, too, leaving Kurogane wearing nothing but his boxers. Fai stepped back.

"Now?" Kurogane asked. Fai smiled and gave him a coy look.

"Do it for me?"

Kurogane didn't have to be asked twice this time. He stepped forward, up against Fai and reached up to the collar of his coat, tried to push it back; but there was something holding it together – buttons somewhere beneath all that fur trim. He tried to feel for them, found one, couldn't get it undone and cursed while Fai giggled like a schoolgirl and reached up to guide his hands. Finally he got it and moved on to the next one – much quicker – and the next and then that seemed to be all of them. The front of Fai's coat parted at his touch and he slid his hands inside and around Fai's waist and up his sides, over his chest and pushed the weight of the coat off his shoulders. It piled on the floor around his feet. Kurogane couldn't decide if he wanted to look down or not, so instead he just kissed Fai. In return Fai folded his arms around Kurogane's neck and pressed up against him, as Kurogane ran his hands down Fai's back.

After the kiss it was the bed and Kurogane's boxers didn't even make it that far, tugged off by Fai's insistent fingers. And then it was hot and fast, skin against sweaty skin sliding back and forth until it was over and they crashed down together.

Kurogane woke with a smile on his lips and an uncomfortable wet feeling in his shorts. He tried not to remember too many of the details as he got out of bed and went to the bathroom to clean up, because then it would just take longer to get back to sleep again. But he did wonder why this dream had been so different, good instead of bad. This version of Fai had seemed different, too – maybe there was more than one dream-version of Fai lurking in his subconscious? He didn't know, but at least the dream-sex had been good. He wouldn't mind more of _that_, especially since he had no chance of getting with the real Fai.

#

Fai likewise woke with a smile, though his carried a hint of guilt. Guilt for liking it so much, and guilt that that he'd given Kurogane such a reprieve from the bad dreams when he'd set out to completely fuck him up. He had his answer, at least – yes, Kurogane liked him like that – though he didn't yet know whether that was good or bad.

He had to admit that the dream-sex had been pretty good, though he didn't quite like how it had 'leaked' over into reality. At least he could assume that Kurogane had suffered the same embarrassment.

Maybe a good dream here and there to break up the bad wasn't such a bad idea after all. He didn't want to drive Kurogane off the deep end, just rough him up a little, let him know who was boss. Kurogane didn't seem to have caught on yet that Fai was behind the dreams, and he wanted to keep it that way as long as possible.


	7. The Uncontrolled Dream

A/N: Massive spoilers for Fai's past in this chapter, in case there's some crazy person reading this who hasn't finished the manga.

* * *

There seemed to be no end to the worlds, the search for Sakura's feathers, or to the dreams which haunted Kurogane's nights. Fai threw them at him thick and fast, as soon as he could come up with another, and when he couldn't he either gave Kurogane a rest or a good dream to balance them out.

But something was wrong. It was small things at first, thing he didn't even notice, but slowly they got bigger, more obvious. Things appearing in the dreams that he hadn't put there, things that had made themselves; and the worst part was that once he noticed it, he knew where they had come from: from _him_. Things that he couldn't control, things that he didn't want Kurogane to see or to know about. Things from his past, things that haunted him. It was simple, at first – maybe a tapestry or a painting he recognized as from the palace in Celes. A landscape out the window he'd gazed upon before. A trinket or something which King Ashura had given him.

Then larger differences. A bookshelf full of titles from the palace library, all books he'd read. Whole rooms from the palace. A village in Celes he'd visited several times. Even things from farther back – once, out of a window, the tower.

There was no way Fai could stop now, though; he'd committed himself to this. Until things were over, until they caught up with Syaoran and he could somehow get his magic back, he had to keep going. Let Kurogane know how much he hated him for this, even as he tried not to let his feelings change. He'd crossed the line he'd drawn for himself, and it was much harder to go back over it then it had been to cross it in the first place.

#

This was wrong. Fai always knew what were dreams and what was reality, unlike Kurogane. This wasn't a dream he had made. He'd never been here, at least not in his own memories, but he still knew exactly where he was. The room was dark, cold, and the wind whistled past the single barred window as the tower creaked in the wind. Outside the window was nothing but grey sky. He did not want to get up from the dirty stone floor and look out, see what – and who – was below.

This was not something he wanted to face, not now. Not the past. He wanted to wake up, to get out of there – but though it was his past, it was still Kurogane's dream. The only way out was for Kurogane to wake up; he could not escape until then.

Fai fought with himself for several long moments about whether to get up and look out the window. He was afraid of who would be there – would it be Kurogane, since this was his dream? Or would it be himself? Or his twin, their positions reversed? He told himself that it had to be Kurogane, it could be nobody but him, and having convinced himself of this he finally got up and went to the window.

It was a long way down. He'd never realized it before, having spent his time at the base of the tower looking up, but he could barely make out individual bodies, let alone faces. Kurogane was merely a black speck, the only thing moving at the base of the tower, but it was definitely him.

"Kurogane!" he shouted, but he wasn't sure if the sound made it down until he heard his name called back faintly. He griped the metal bars of the window, his fingers numb. He wanted out of this dream, but only Kurogane knew the way. If he told Kurogane to wake up, though – then he would know that Fai was behind this, that he was the culprit feeding him these nightmares.

He didn't want to face this. He wanted out. If that was the price, it was fine.

"Kurogane! Wake up!" he shouted, but he wasn't sure if his words were heard.

Kurogane began to climb the tower.

Fai watched him for several minutes, thinking there was no way such a thing was possible, then realized he'd never tried it himself. He'd always tried to scale the outer walls of the valley, always tried to escape – never to climb the tower to get to his brother. The valley walls were straight vertical, but the tower was wider at its base than at the top. It might be possible for Kurogane to scale it – but that wasn't what he wanted.

"Stop it!" he cried out the window. "Get out of here! Wake up!"

Kurogane did not seem to hear him, and kept climbing.

Fai watched him, knuckles white as he gripped the bars. When his vision began to blur, he did not move to wipe away the tears; he kept his eye on Kurogane the whole time as he moved slowly up the tower. He thought of how his own fingers had become raw and bloody from trying to scale the outer walls, and how Kurogane must be suffering now, but still the damn fool kept climbing. Fai shouted out to him again to wake up, to end the dream and get them both out of there, but there was no response and Kurogane kept up his relentless climb.

Even though it was a bad wish, he wished Kurogane would slip and fall to his death, just so this could end. He didn't want him to reach the top – what would happen then? Fai didn't tell him again to wake up; if Kurogane wasn't going to stop and if he hadn't heard him say it before, then there was no use to keep saying it and giving away that he was behind the dreams.

Fai didn't know how the hell he did it, but Kurogane reached the top of the tower. He'd stepped back, stopped watching when Kurogane had reached the halfway point, thinking maybe that if he wasn't at the window then Kurogane would stop and give up. He sat down on the floor and brought his knees to his chest and watched the window sill, waiting – waiting for the dream to end, or for Kurogane.

It was Kurogane who came, his bloody fingers gripping the sill, grabbing at the bars, and Fai got up and rushed to the window as he clung there – but there was no way in. The bars were too narrow, and too sturdy. Fai looked out the window and down at his face.

Kurogane smiled at him, his expression worn but triumphant.

Fai reached out, grasped his wrists as though he was going to help him, pull him up. When Kurogane let go of the bars, Fai let go of him.

Let him fall.

Fai closed his eye; he didn't want to watch.

Let him die – like his brother.

The dream ended and Fai woke up, his pillow damp with tears. This was too much – worse, even, than when Kurogane had turned the tables on him before. But until it was over, there was no way out. He had to keep going, no matter what, because he couldn't stand to break another promise to himself.

#

Kurogane had heard Fai's words; he just hadn't paid attention. Fai letting him drop he could understand. That was what he was used to in these dreams. It wasn't as if he'd expected to rescue him from that tower – it was the thought that counted.

Fai had told him to wake up, which meant that Fai knew it was a dream. He'd known it too, but not until after Fai had said that. If dream-Fai was not the real Fai then he should not have known something Kurogane did not – which meant that it had been the real Fai in his dream. Right?

He'd suspected that Fai might have something to do with it, just because Fai was the only one who ever appeared in his dreams, but he didn't want to think that was the case. Fai wouldn't be so mean to him like that, would he? But then again, Fai hated him for saving his life, so it wasn't outside the realm of possibility.

He didn't want to believe it – well, except in the case of the good dreams, but then how could he be sure about those either? If Fai hated him, was the one who was giving him all these nightmares, then he'd have no reason to give him good dreams like that. It didn't make any sense.

Until he knew more, he wasn't ready to accuse Fai of something like that – especially if it turned out to be the truth.


	8. The Last Dream

Everything was ice. The floor, the walls, the ceiling. From all these surfaces emerged beautiful crystals of ice – beautiful but deadly sharp. Kurogane found this out the hard way when he tried to take a step and slipped on the icy floor and fell into one of them. It ripped his clothes, cut into his skin. He tried to move more carefully, but they were everywhere; cuts and scratches were unavoidable.

He moved forward, the way he'd been facing because that seemed the most obvious route, and soon he came out of the icy hallway into a cavern. The crystals here were massive, beautiful and sparkling, prism rainbows shifting kaleidoscopic as his eyes moved across them to the centerpiece on the far wall – Fai, pinned and bleeding. As though the crystals had shot up through him too fast for him to escape.

Unlike the hallway, the floor here was not smooth ice. It was a dense forest of razor-sharp crystals shooting up from the ground, a broken, treacherous landscape that he needed to pass through if he was to get Fai down. From here, he could not even tell if Fai was still alive; his head was down, body limp, and the only sounds he could hear were his own heart, the cracking of ice, and, occasionally, the drip of Fai's blood running down.

Kurogane didn't think he had much time, if any, so he didn't waste it. It didn't matter if he got hurt or not – saving Fai was the only thing on his mind. He tore strips off the bottom of his jacket to wrap around his hands, to save them as much as he could from being cut up, and then he started towards Fai.

He had to climb up, over, around the crystals; their sides were mostly smooth and had no grip, their edges brutal. He tried to watch where he stepped, but it was no use; the bottoms of his heavy boots were soon pierced through and he left a trail of blood behind him as he worked his way towards Fai. The wraps on his hands made no difference, and were soon blood-soaked tatters. The crystals slashed at his arms, his legs, his torso, even his face when he wasn't careful; but the pain of the cuts was nothing compared to the pain he knew Fai must be feeling.

At one point he slipped to far, fell, howled with pain and cursed loudly as a crystal drove itself completely through his hand as he reached out to try and stop his fall. He got it out, wrapped his hand up again even though he knew it wouldn't do any good, and climbed back up.

Kurogane rested for a moment, tried to ignore the throbbing pain in his hand, and looked towards Fai again. His head was up, now – half-conscious and looking at Kurogane. They looked at each other for a long moment, then Fai seemed to register what was going on and his expression became more panicked.

"I'll get you out of here," Kurogane told him; the sound echoed, bounced around.

"No. Get... get out of here. Wake up... Kurogane..." Fai whispered, pleaded with him.

"No," Kurogane replied stubbornly. "Not until I get you down."

Fai seemed taken aback by his reply, and watched silently as Kurogane continued towards him.

"S-stop it," Fai tried again. "It's not worth it... I'm not worth it. This... this is just a dream. Wake up and get out!"

Kurogane responded with stubborn silence. He was only a few yards from Fai now, but, like his climb up the tower, the going was slow and painful.

"Please, Kurogane! Please... wake up..."

But it was no use; Kurogane wouldn't listen to him. Fai didn't want to let him know that something was wrong, that this wasn't a dream he'd made.

Finally, he made it to Fai. Broken and bleeding, he'd made it, but it was far from over. He still needed to get Fai down, get him away from the crystals which pierced his flesh and pinned him to the wall. Plenty of them had shattered under his weight as he'd crossed the cavern, splintering into his skin and causing a million points of red to well up, but that didn't matter.

He attacked the crystals, pummeled them with his bloody fists, kicked at them until they shattered and splintered. Fai was pierced by them, and Kurogane too, but the pain was nothing compared to that which they already felt.

Finally he had Fai down, in his arms, the only other warm thing in the cavern of ice, and he cradled Fai in his arms for a while as he rested and tried not to think about the pain. After a while, Fai looked up at him.

"...why? Why... why bother? This is only a dream... it doesn't matter if you save me or not. Why didn't you wake up... and end it? Then you... you wouldn't have to go through all this."

"I know," Kurogane replied, "but I didn't, because –"

Before Kurogane could finish his sentence, the dream ended.

#

There was no way he could let it go on like this, Fai knew now. The dreams had taken on a life of their own; more often than not, he could not control them.

So instead...


	9. Dream of Reality

Kurogane sat up in bed. There was a light under the door – someone else was awake. He thought about it for a minute, listened, but heard nothing so he got up and went to investigate. The light was coming from the kitchen; maybe it was just Mokona up for a midnight snack, but there was no one in there. He went to the light switch to turn it out, but first glanced into the living room just in case.

"What are you doing still awake?"

Fai – who didn't seem to have noticed him until then – turned and then smiled at him.

"Am I?"

Kurogane wasn't sure he understood the question. "What?"

Fai stood up and came over to stand in front of him. "Are we awake? Or are we asleep? Is this a dream, or reality?"

Confused, Kurogane looked around. Nothing had changed – it was the place they were currently staying, their apartment in Infinity where they'd been for the last month at least. He remembered going to sleep, and waking back up. There was nothing wrong here, except for Fai's questions.

"Of course I'm awake, this is real," he replied.

"How can you tell?"

"Because..." he replied, but he stopped there because the more he wondered about it, the more uncertain he became. There had been dreams that had taken place in worlds they'd been through before, just not any in the world they'd been in currently – not yet, at any rate. He supposed it was possible. And there had been the dreams with the tower and the cavern with the crystals where Fai had clearly known it was a dream and told him to wake up; why couldn't he say that now? If this was not a dream that meant Fai knew, but if it was a dream he had no way of knowing if it was Fai or not.

But nothing was happening here – which meant, if it was a dream, then it was one of the good dreams.

"Which is this, Kurogane? Is it a dream or reality? How can you tell one from the other?"

"I... I'll know. If you let me do this," he replied, and reached up to touch Fai's cheek, then leaned forward to kiss him on the lips as he slid his other arm around Fai's waist. "This is a dream," he said after it ended, and Fai smiled.

"Why?"

"Because... the real Fai would never let me do that," he said with conviction. "So this must be a dream – one of the good ones."

"All right," Fai said with a smile.

"Let's go to bed," Kurogane suggested, but of course what he really meant by that was "to my bedroom, together, you and me between the sheets." His arm still around Fai's waist, they went, but Fai stopped outside the door and turned to him.

"I have another question for you," Fai said quietly.

"What now?"

"What do you want this to be?"

"What?"

"What do you want this to be?" Fai repeated. "A dream, or real?"

"I..." Kurogane tried to reply, but at least in his confusion he realized he shouldn't answer so hastily and shut his mouth to think. "Wait... then is this really real, or is it a dream?"

Fai smiled at him. "It doesn't matter either way. Which do _you_ want it to be?"

Kurogane thought, turning each option over in his mind, weighing them against each other. If he said "dream," nothing would change. He would go back to bed – with Fai, presumably – and in the morning nothing would be different. It would just be another good dream, and he would be no closer to knowing anything unless he asked Fai directly when he was damn good and sure that he was properly awake and in reality.

But if he said "reality"... then having kissed Fai would be real. Real was a lot different than in a dream. Real meant things would change between them – maybe by a lot. Whether or not that was a good thing... well, with Fai it was difficult to tell, but it was certainly good for him. And if it meant that maybe Fai had forgiven him after all...

Just to be sure he wasn't giving up a good chance, he kissed Fai again. And, as he pulled away, he whispered: "Real. I want this to be real."

Fai smiled at him, and closed his eyes. "You're sure?"

"Yes."

"Then... goodnight," Fai replied, and slipped out of his embrace. Kurogane watched him go down the hall into his own room and disappear. He stood there for a while wondering what, exactly, had just happened, then, finally, went back into his room and back to sleep.

#

Another morning. Another day. Kurogane lay in bed for a long while, thinking about last night's conversation with Fai. Had it been a dream, or real? And had Fai meant it when he'd asked him to chose which it would be? He'd chosen real... and he hoped that it was.

Kurogane got out of bed, showered, got dressed – thinking and wondering about these things all the while – and finally left his room drawn out by the scent of breakfast and Fai's cooking.

As he entered the kitchen, Fai turned; their eyes met. Fai smiled – gentler, knowing.

This was reality.


End file.
